Yes, the title is correct, is not a clickbait or anything, it’s just true. Don’t trust what you see online, everyone is sad!
This could be a shock coming from me, Alex, the guy always smiling, the guy that faces problems head down, the guy that gets excited by a challenge, the guy that doesn’t waste a moment to joke and make fun of himself. Yes, also that guy, me, I’m sad.
Don’t trust what you see on my Instagram account, all the quippy and funny status updates from my Twitter account. That’s my online persona, that’s not me, that’s probably only 50% of me.
Like everyone else, I also have those shitty days where everything goes wrong, where all the stuff you were holding in your hands seems to slip away like butter. I have those days, more often than you think.
I’m anxious, I’m frustrated, I’m unsatisfied, I’m angry, I’m sad, and the thing that makes me even sadder is that I shouldn’t be. I have an amazing life, I drastically changed my life from the edge of misery to a successful and fulfilling experience. I accomplished so many things I can’t even list them all, I have everything I could have dreamed of, and even more.
But nonetheless, I’m fucking sad. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well, probably is not me, or maybe, it’s not JUST me. It’s everything around me.
I’m not properly wired, I wasn’t properly built, I wasn’t made to stay still. I easily get used to what I have, and I want more. I’m a selfish, childish, lonely baby in the body of a grown up. Sometimes I want to punch me in the face so hard.
I can’t do anything just for the pleasure of doing it. If I do something, I have to succeed, since I was a little kid. I started playing basketball when I was 5, and God I played that sport until I couldn’t anymore. I wanted to play professionally, but when I was 18 I almost crushed my back, and I couldn’t play anymore.
The depression drove me to spend countless hours in front of the computer, I got into development and design, and then into 3D graphics, and then video editing, and then audio editing, and then I started playing an instrument, and then I formed a band, and then I started practicing Kung Fu, and then, and then, and then…
I kept adding stuff to fulfill my life, to fill my life, to not have a moment to stop and think what I have, and why I should just chill the fuck out.
Jesus Christ Alex, slow the fuck down.
I don’t know where all this comes from when I started thinking like this when I started being annoyed by the present, but damn I am. Why time can’t just go faster? Why can’t I have more? Why? Why?
Because you’re a stupid crybaby, that’s why.
The Internet doesn’t help, or maybe, the Internet is literally the dealer for a drug addict. Looking at all the things I could have but I can’t achieve, keeping an eye constantly on the stupid amount of counters of every social media ever, more followers, more views, more likes, more, more, just more, fuck the present, just give me more tomorrow, because I need more.
Well…I’m not the only one. Everyone, every fucking one, is like this.
And by everyone, I mean all the crybabies that were fortunate enough to be born in a western country without war or extreme poverty. We have so much, and it’s still not enough.
We’re sad, and we don’t like what we have, even if the rest of the world would kill to have just 10% of what we have.
Fucking selfish crybaby.
Ok, I think it’s time to chill a bit. Don’t worry, I’m fine, I’m ok, nothing is wrong with me, or maybe everything is wrong with me, but don’t be scared by what I wrote.
This is just a personal cleansing, just some stupid words on a stupid website, nothing more. Sometimes I need this, and most of the times I do it in my personal journal, with the usual pen and paper, but this time I wanted to do it online.
I feel like too many people are in my same situation, we’re happy, yes, we have everything, yes, but still, everything around us is telling us that we don’t have enough, and we should strive for more. Reaching for something more is not a bad thing, it’s absolutely a good thing, but is not when it turns into a constant frustration because we’re not there yet.
Publishing this publicly is a sort of anchor, something to remind me to stay with my feet on the ground, don’t let the latest trend affect you, don’t let any increasing or decreasing number decides if you’re good or not. You’re awesome the way you are, and if you want more, go for it, but don’t burn everything around you to achieve what you want.
So, this is a letter for me, to remind me to slow down, to enjoy the moment, and to stare less at the phone and more at the sky. To laugh more with friends and less in front of the camera.
Breathe, going slower is ok, breathe, and enjoy the ride.
For everyone in a slightly similar situation, you’re not alone, everyone online is sad.